When
"attacks" against Islam are examined rationally,
it comes out ON EACH ISSUE
that Islam should be the accusing party indeed,
not the other way around.
"Of all the world's great men, none
has been so much maligned* as Muhammad."
W. Montgomery Watt,
Muhammad at Medina, Oxford University Press, 1956. * ma-lign: v.t. to speak harmful untruths about... (R. H. Webster's).
Polygamy:
Opponents of Islam, and those who do not analyze it fairly and deeply,
find so many issues of criticism on this subject indeed.
The permission of polygamy from the holy Quran:
First (as requested by one of our visitors) we cite the permission
of polygamy from the holy Quran. {And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans,
marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and
if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or
(the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely
that ye will not do injustice.þ} (S:4, A:3)
The condition must be noted: {... and if ye fear that ye cannot
do justice, then one (only)...}
In addition to the following, which according to many is almost a
"freeze" on the above permission: {Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives,
however much ye wish (to do so).} (S:4, A:129)
Thus in summary, the holy Quran grants us the permission to marry
more than one wife, PROVIDED we can deal equally between them, yet
it mentions that we will NOT be able to deal equally no matter how
hard we wish to do so.
In any society, this "profile" is that of those who are
having difficulties observing the law restricting polygamy. Such
people will violate this prohibition in practice, whether they are
Muslims, Christians, Buddhists or atheists.
The result to anybody still in control of himself is that polygamy
is NOT allowed; but normally, Muslims who are already "out of
control" revert to the basic "permission".
As is the case for all Islamic and other laws, our discussion
concerns the great majority of cases and not their exceptions such
as Prophets or their Companions: Witnessed to by history as the
ultimate examples of self control and self denial.
The criticism and Islam's
answer:
Next is a translation of our answer to an e-mail directed to us,
criticizing at length Islam's permission of polygamy.
Within our answer below, we include in italics quotes from
the question. We have edited our original answer to present it in
this section.
The full text of the original
criticism follows at the bottom in smaller size print.
Assalamu alaikum
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate.
I praise Allaah for blessing us with the religion of Islam, a clear
light despite what accusers may falsify.
And I send blessings and peace to His Noble Prophet, the beacon of
light to all worlds.
Yes, Islam has an answer.
It will become clear to you, insha'allaah (God Willing) after
contemplating what follows, rationally, objectively and based
on reality, that the storms aimed at Islam normally reach our
truthful and innocent emotions in sheep's clothing; for is there any
clothing more worthy of this title (sheep's clothing) than the
rights of woman, the subject of allowing polygamy for man in Islam,
and its deep effect on woman?
You will also see insha'allaah concerning all attacks aimed at
Islam, how it becomes clear after a fair and logical study that
Islam is the one with the right to attack, not the other way around.
What follows includes only a summary of our main ideas. The fair
person seeking the truth can ponder about them. Then, after viewing
their correctness, he can carry on and "complete the
picture" by himself.
As for the stubborn person whose goal is only to attack Islam
despite facts and contrarily to reason and logic, we have no
business with him in the first place.
So we say, and by Allah's help is our success:
First an important fact must be realized: That all religious and
secular laws across history are not based on the premise that man is
perfect. In other words, Islam and usually other laws and religious
rules, do not base their rules on the fact that man is a perfect
creature.
Only God is Perfect. Man is an imperfect creature, and laws come to
specify the limits of his rights and obligations, and to diminish
the effect of his mistakes on other members of the society. It must
be noted that Islam succeeded in this goal in the rules it provided,
whereby we find other legislations have faltered, as you will see in
the next paragraph.
Introduction about Divorce
In comparison to Christianity for example, Islam relied on the
reality that something may occur in marriage, whereby forcing the
parties to separate (i.e. rendering it impossible to continue living
together). So Islam allows divorce, whereas numerous sects among the
Christians prohibit divorce for ever.
It is obvious how much hardship may exist in such special cases, and
that prohibiting divorce is but theoretical and unrealistic. How far
is this from the Prophet's saying, peace be upon him: <<To Allah, the most disliked among allowable things is
divorce. >>
This deep expression is a general reminder about the extreme
"dislike" for divorce in the eyes of God, yet it stays in
par with reason by accepting the inescapable: That despite divorce
remaining the least liked to Allah among allowable things, yet it
may be unavoidable in some cases.
As a result we find some members of other religions that prohibit
divorce reaching impossible situations upon which they resort to
"civil divorce".
So what good was the prohibition for?
I say "prohibition" remains only for pride, false
pretense, and self righteousness that "this religion is better
than the one allowing divorce".
This is either mistaken, untruthful, or hypocritical.
Polygamy:
The case is the same if not far more serious and dangerous
concerning polygamy.
Islam brought forth regulations to benefit society as a whole,
admitting the imperfection of the human race, starting from that
premise, and attempting to minimize the harms resulting from that
imperfection.
It did not rush blindly, ignorant about that subject, as happened in
several other religions and civil laws, and here is the difference:
Yes, Christian clergy prohibited polygamy, and Islam allowed it
(under strict conditions).
Numerous civil laws prohibited polygamy and Islam allowed it.
Yet we sadly challenge anybody to prove the success of prohibiting
polygamy in any society, not only in our age, but throughout
history.
In other words, the prohibition rule exists but its application is
totally missing; on the contrary, what is being practiced is the
opposite of the spirit of that law, which applies to all classes of
society, whereby you even find the president of France speaking
casually about his illegitimate daughter, with no law to hold him
accountable for his action. So what good is this law for?
And we find adultery proven against the candidate for Presidency of
the United States but the law "prohibiting polygamy" does
not prevent his election.
Furthermore, other known sexual acts are proven against him, yet he
resumes his leadership, and the law does not even discuss his
marital infidelity.
And we find the scandals of Prince Charles, husband of the late
Princess Diana...
So where is that law, and what is Islam's crime?
So if what you mean by "prohibiting polygamy" or
"allowing it", only what is written in the texts of the
laws, the answer is: Yes, the texts of other laws prohibited
polygamy, but does this drive the pain away from the woman who
discovers that her husband had a mistress for eight years (as
happened to Clinton before his election)?
Will his wife bring home a copy of the law and hang it on the wall
instead of her husband's picture so as to find solace and comfort?
And what is the crime of that woman whose husband brings home the
AIDS virus or other sexual diseases? Shall she bring the text of the
law, soak it in water and drink it as medicine?
And what about the innocent illegitimate children, thrown at the
doors of orphanages? Do we read to them the law to comfort them?
My wife was answering an American lady about the same subject and
said:
If my husband marries another woman, at least I know who she is, and
that he did not leave me for a dancer or a prostitute, and I know
where he is in the middle of the night or if an accident happens to
me or to his children, and I know he is not carrying viruses, and
... and...
The American lady answered: You are right.
In summary, other laws and religions failed to prevent the actual
practice of polygamy in spite of their boasting about the text of
the law; but because they ignored the reality of mankind, they
limited themselves to the prohibition whereby they deeply harmed
society, violated the fundamental rights of children (fruits of
marital infidelity) who demand their rights as members of the human
race: Their rights to life and not to be murdered through abortion,
or to live with a father and mother, not in an orphanage.
This right upon humanity is far more important than the emotions of
any of the parents, of course without denying the importance of
woman's feelings, but truth must be said.
As for Islam, the law of the Lord of Creation, it did not "wind
around" but addressed the problem directly and truthfully.
So why do we just look at the inescapable, that it is impossible to
prevent (practical) polygamy?
Why don't we also look beyond, and what results from that reality?
That polygamy cannot be stopped, not because Islam allowed it, but
because of the nature of man, for if God so wanted, we would all
have been like angels, not committing mistakes nor hurting the
feelings of others, and man's nature would have been different; but
God All-Eminent did not so want, and He created us imperfect {He
who Created death and life to test you who among you has better
deeds}
So since it is not possible to prevent (practical) polygamy, what
then are the laws necessary to minimized its harms on society? What
did the other laws do about this matter with the likes of Clinton
and Charles, and what did they do about the millions of illegitimate
children who were deprived of their right to life, or to a father, a
mother and a home?
Several Muslim sisters insisted to add the following to our answer:
Outside Islam, the "second" woman is deprived of her
rights to be treated as humanly as the wife, while Islam grants the
same rights to both.
We did not notice this issue in our original answer, yet our sisters
insisted, demanding the second woman's rights to a home, shelter,
family, respect: To be treated with dignity, not just as a temporary
sexual object.
There is no doubt that there are the other considerations that you
mentioned in your letter, but you have their answer (in addition to
the answers that follow) if you admit that Islam did not
impose polygamy but simply acknowledged that it was impossible to prevent,
so it limited it and imposed rules about it for the benefit of
society, then established a strong fortress by prescribing the most
severe penalties on whoever threatens the sacred fabric of the
family.
As for the other laws and religions that prohibited polygamy, they
prohibited it while ignoring reality. As a result they neglected the
rights of society in addition to their failure in the prohibition
itself, so in that matter they restricted themselves to boasting
about something that does not exist, about an action they did not
perform, then they aggravated the matter by deeply damaging
society's structure and human rights. {Do not think those who cheer about what they did, and like to be
praised about what they did not perform, do not think them safe from
pain: they will have grievous pain} (S: 3, A: 188)
Let it be noted that this failure (to prevent actual polygamy) is
severely compounded:
It is almost impossible to "hide" polygamy in a Muslim
society. Rights of inheritance are in action, as well as
establishing a dwelling for the additional family. Thus the actual
desire to marry an additional wife is met by severe social
pressures, starting from man's own children, even his father,
mother, and relatives. Only a stubborn and unfair person would deny
that.
As a result, there is an enormous natural pressure against Islam's
legalized polygamy. In contrast, adultery is normally committed in
secret in non-Islamic societies. Compared to Islam it is encouraged
and even rewarded.
Thus the prohibition of polygamy, in the only way that it is applied
(i.e. with no measures to enforce it because it actually can never
be enforced) is a compounded failure: Not only has it failed to
achieve what it boasts about, it has even encouraged
"actual" polygamy by making it so carefree,
non-accountable, non-punishable and with no attached
responsibilities whatsoever.
I mention below some of what you wrote, followed by our brief
answers, asking Allaah to guide you to ponder objectively about
them.
...when Islam allowed
polygamy, it blew away all her feelings (i.e. the feelings of a
Woman whose husband married another woman)
It is her husband who blew them away. And shall we forget that
another woman had the major role in this injustice against
"women's rights", by accepting to be part of a new
polygamous marriage? Polygamy wouldn't exist without the
second wife's consent.
As for Islam, it addressed the feelings of (illegitimate)
children who would exist in enormously higher numbers if
polygamy was prohibited; non-Islamic societies are witnesses to
that.
...so as to satisfy man's
objective. I am not talking here about marrying another woman if
the wife is sterile or ill; I am talking about cases devoid of
any reason but to serve man's pleasure...
This is answered in the detailed explanations of our
introduction, for Islam did not impose polygamy; it started
based on the impossibility to prevent it, so it designated rules
about it in order to minimize its harm on society as a whole,
not only regarding the feelings of one group.
Thus woman bears hardship in this instance while, for example,
man risks even death in the case of military service (jihad),
and if you say "his reward is with Allaah" then the
same answer would also apply to woman.
The Prophet PBUH said concerning this: Allah Most-Eminent
decreed (sensitive) jealousy upon woman and jihad upon men, so
whoever among them (women) is patient out of belief and
anticipation (for God's reward), she will have the reward of a
martyr. Narrated by Tabarani, citing Ibn Masoud, Good hadeeth
according to Suyuti.
Woman is extremely jealous
(i.e. in a sensitive manner) by nature, and the presence of the
husband with another woman causes her immense psychological
pains.
The same applies in societies prohibiting polygamy, for the
psychological pains exist, whether due to polygamy among
Muslims, or to marital infidelity elsewhere.
How many women had their
husbands marry another,
The ratio of adultery in non-Islamic societies is still much
higher than polygamy among Muslims:
It is obvious that one man may commit adultery with a married
woman and another and another, which is a fact; whereby in an
Islamic society, since the number of men is equal to that of
women if not slightly less, therefore making it impossible for
polygamy to multiply; it remains relatively rare except in cases
of war.
and were afflicted with psychological disturbances close to
madness... resulting in family destruction...
My son currently living in the USA informed me that the divorce
rate there is 80% (for new marriages) - believe it or not; the
main reason for that being marital infidelity, so this would
also correspond to destroying 80% of the families.
Furthermore, as mentioned above, there are enormous social
pressures against the act of polygamy itself (starting from
man's own children, father, mother, etc.) whereas in non-Islamic
societies, adultery is normally committed in secret, with no
accountability nor responsibility whatsoever.
I turned away from marriage
for fear that my husband may marry another,
But what about the fear of infidelity in societies that prohibit
polygamy, ignoring that such is impossible? Thus man may go
loose there like a wanton animal spreading discord (or his
"seed") left and right, whereas Islam prescribed the
most severe penalties for adultery.
Which of the two solutions is better for society?
And would you imagine, if
woman can marry another man, would you be able to bear it then?
Based on the words of our Prophet PBUH (concerning women's pain
in polygamous situation), I believe its impact on me would be
the same as death, and its reward the same as martyrdom; I am
not shy of the answer. But I draw your attention to the existing
reality, whether Islam allows polygamy or non-Islamic laws
prohibit it:
It is absolutely impossible to prevent the practice of polygamy,
either in the form of marital infidelity in non-Islamic
societies (be it for long or short durations), or in the form of
allowing polygamy in Islam.
But delving further on this issue, woman's marriage to an
additional man is usually against her nature, each woman knows
that deep in herself. Furthermore it does not benefit society,
on the contrary it harms it, for shall we see her running from
house to house about the needs of her children dispersed among
four houses? It is obvious that man's responsibility is normally
to work for the living, while woman's responsibility is the
house and raising the children, and what a noble human
responsibility indeed this is when compared to man's
"materialistic" responsibility: Building children's
character based on higher morals and ethics.
We must add something necessary to complete the picture in case
of identical "rights", maybe you will smile a little:
What would be society's fate if woman had four husbands, each
having four wives... each having four husbands... each having
four wives. Each wife will have one day with each of her
husbands, while each of her husbands will have one day with each
of his wives. So the possibility for man to meet his wife
accidentally is one day out of sixteen (4x4=16), but they can
improve the situation through close cooperation among all
concerned parties!!!
And is this the son of which husband, and if one man dies, shall
we go to his four wives to distribute his inheritance among
their children, or are they not his children, and if medicine
can solve this problem by analyzing the DNA, would everybody be
able to afford the expenses, or will this be funded by the
government?
If we let our imagination proceed further we will find numerous
other problems; the weirdest coincidence is that moral
dissolution - specifically adultery - in many non-Islamic
societies has actually caused this specific genetic chaos among
families, thereby further weakening the family ties.
... so where is man's role the
rest of the days?? is it only pleasure with his other women??
It cannot be denied that his responsibility has increased by
four folds, to toil for four families all day; I mean at work,
which is exhausting.
As for his wife, her responsibility remained and did not
increase during the whole day (except for her responsibility
raising the children which has increased due to his partial
absence), so why look only at pleasure?
Furthermore, man's intellect has not produced an alternative to
the thoroughly integrated Islamic solution which also specifies
man's responsibility in that case.
A young man spoke to me in the US, joking friendly with me: Is
it true that you are allowed to marry four wives?
I answered: Yes this is true.
He smiled, showed excitement and looked "sideways" at
me with humor.
I continued, smiling: Yes, I can marry four wives, provided I
can shelter each of them, spend on them equally... And I
proceeded listing my duties until he succumbed with a smile.
Let Islam after that come and
say that the goal of marriage is to build a wholesome family...
And let man-made rules, ignoring actual reality (that it is not
possible to prevent practical polygamy), come and prohibit
polygamy "legally"; but as a result they will actually
increase it, and family ties will be weakened because of the
lack of regulations, restrictions and responsibilities (in case
of practical polygamy, in the form of marital infidelity)
and I do not see that this
harmonizes with marrying more than one woman.
How can this opinion be executed?
And did it ever occur throughout history in any society?
This is more of a "wish" than it is an
"opinion": There is a difference between us wanting
something and being able to have it.
There is no doubt that your "wish" is good, but
applying this "opinion" has never succeeded in other
societies except on paper. What you "want" did not
result from it (protecting woman's feelings and other wishes),
the opposite happened.
1- Polygamy is widespread in the form of marital infidelity,
which is much higher than the ratio of polygamy among Muslims.
In the 70s, marital infidelity in the US (I was a student there)
was about 30% among men and 20% among women, it is much higher
now. The same applies to Europe.
Obviously the ratio of polygamy is much lower in Muslim
societies because it is impossible to have 30% additional women
in a normal society (except in cases of war), in addition to
what we mentioned above concerning natural social pressures
against actual polygamy in Islam, as opposed to the lack of any
regulation, restriction or accountability in non-Islamic
societies.
2- In addition to hurting her feelings by being with another
woman (in non-Islamic societies just like in Islamic ones)...
3- ... the matter is further aggravated by his being with a
prostitute or the like. So I plead the question to you: What
will be the feelings of a woman like Clinton's wife, when she
discovers that her husband had a sexual love affair for eight
years with an "artist".
How will she accept, in addition to his being with "another
woman", the vast difference between the two persons, i.e.
between Clinton's wife and that "artist"? How will her
self-esteem be? And how will she meet people in society,
everybody knowing that her husband prefers an "artist"
over her, and had a relationship with her for eight years? Maybe
she wishes she never existed.
4- In addition for example to bringing deadly diseases to her
and those in her womb.
5- In addition to violating the most fundamental rights of
children by killing them through abortion or throwing them at
the doors of orphanages.
6- In addition to the widespread weakening of family ties
because of the spread of adultery, and how will it not spread if
"polygamy" is not allowed?
Then after that we zeal about doubting the wholesomeness of the
Islamic family?
Obviously, if we were ideal creatures in a hypothetical world,
this problem would not have existed (men not wishing to marry
more than one wife) as well as all other mankind's problems, by
doing what we are commanded and never disobeying God; but God
Willed that this is the feature of Angels, not of Humans.
So we must not be blind to reality, otherwise we will be like
the ostrich digging a hole in the sand and putting its head
there, believing that the hunter does not see it any more.
No, we must first recognize reality, then deal with its
problems, then study Islam while maintaining that reality in our
minds despite its bitterness (the inescapability of polygamy).
For by God, we are but in an abode of testing. A scholar once
said: Do not despair when something you dislike happens because
such occurrences happen in order to bring the reality of your
personality out into existence. Which means that what we dislike
occur to us, then we react, and in the hereafter we will be
judged according to that: According to our actions and
responses, not based on the fact that we were "nice
persons" and "fine folks", and "if"
something we disliked happened then "we would have"
acted correctly, and "if" we had money "we would
have" given it to the poor... and so on.
No, judgment will be: This is what happened to us, this was our
reaction, based on that we will be judged, and our situation
evaluated.
I ask Allaah to open your heart to the truth, to unveil the
wisdom of His matters to you, and to Merciful to both you and
us,
Aameen.
==================================================
Following is the original question sent to us (about polygamy),
translated from Arabic, without omissions. We added a few
clarifications between parentheses
==================================================
We know Sir that Islam honored woman and
placed her in a high standing... and ... and urged to treat her
well, being a sensitive creature... and as the noble Prophet
(Mohammad) said: Deal kindly with the glasses.. (the
glass cup being a symbol for woman, for its delicacy and ease of
breaking).
Yet when Islam allowed polygamy, it blew away all her feelings
in order to satisfy man's objective. I am not talking here about
marrying another woman if the wife is sterile or ill; I am
talking about cases devoid of any reason
but to serve man's pleasure...
Woman is extremely jealous (i.e. in a sensitive manner) by
nature, and the presence of the husband with another woman
causes her immense psychological pains. How many women had their
husbands marry another, and were afflicted with psychological
disturbances close to madness... resulting in family
destruction...
Sir please know that we (i.e. Muslims) cannot object to a matter
decreed by Allah (i.e. the fact that polygamy occurs) but it
contains great psychological harm to the woman... and Islam
totally neglected that aspect of the matter and did not address
it ;but even though it imposed the condition of
"justice" (dealing equally between wives) yet most
(men) are not just, so the matter relieves nothing or woman's
psychological damage.
No woman has the power to bear this matter, no matter how
Islamic she may be. And would you imagine, if woman can marry
another man, would you be able to bear it then?
I once read in a newspaper that a woman volunteered her kidney
to her husband, but the first thing he did after leaving the
hospital was to marry another... which shook me a lot...
especially after hearing a man say that what he did was not a
sin and that he was allowed to marry another... so is this
Islam's view of woman?
Sir, I do not hide from you... I turned away from marriage for
fear that my husband may marry another, for I will not bear the
matter whatever happens; and this is widespread in our
society... especially that no matter how devoted and sincere the
woman may become: this will not prevent her husband from
marrying another woman, and he will be not considered guilty in
the eyes of anybody... not in Islam nor according to any
Muslim... for Islam did not place any exceptions... all it
considered was mans' desire, even if this hurts the woman, and
how easy is it for man to say without considering woman's
feelings and sincerity "This is my right"...
So you can feel how cheap she is after all she has done for
him... so there is not the least consideration for her
feelings...
And I do not believe it is just for man to enjoy four women,
whereby woman's right to her husband diminished to its
quarter... for she (then) sees him once every four days then
becomes responsible 3 days for her house, becoming mother and
father at the same time... so where is man's role the rest of
the days?? is it only pleasure with his other women?? Let Islam
after that come and say that the goal of marriage is to build a
wholesome family... and I do not see that this harmonizes with
marrying more than one woman.
So please enlighten me, May Allaah reward you well..
==================================================
End of Question (answer on top of page)
==================================================