10-Dear Mom and Dad,

I don't know how to begin this letter, except to apologize. You can't imagine the state in which I've been since I came back to the dormitory after my last visit home. I know that you were distressed, as I was, by the bitter argument that followed the mention of my transfer next year from French to Arabic studies. I had thought that you were already aware of my intention.

I'm sorry, as well, about the anger and pain I've continually caused you, until finally you told me to leave the house. If that be your wish, I won't come home for summer vacation, but stay here and look for work to pay my own tuition and rent.

You have all the right to wonder why I am doing this and causing so much unhappiness to you and to myself, and I swear to you I don't really know, except that it becomes more important to me every day, almost as though something is driving me. Who knows, perhaps it is God's will that I should one day know Islam. And nothing can prevent what God has willed.

I apologize once again, and sincerely hope that our relationship will eventually be better.

Your daughter.

P.S. - I went to the school psychiatrist's olTice today, but the nurse said that his appointments were filled for the next three weeks. She asked if I wanted to put my name on the list, hut I said no, and she seemed grateful, as he is already overworked. In three weeks time, either this unbearable situation will have changed somehow, or I may have resorted to the only solution left...

Please, I beg you to reconsider, and come to see me as soon as possible.

-**

How could I have done it? Is it possible that in a weak moment I retreated into hypocrisy? What made me write like that, mentioning the will of God as if I actually believed in it'? It was inexcusable. I never should have mailed that letter... »