11-«Could I really be losing my mind'? All this worry and insomnia.., it must be an obsession. It can't be normal...
The girl had come to me and said: Declare that Jesus, Son of Mary is your Lord and Savior, If you accept him as your Savior, he will save you from your sins, for Christ and God are One...
And I liked the girl. She has the manner of a true Christian: a representative of her faith, and I was drawn to her. My friends advised me to get rid of her, but I refused, thinking that perhaps I would discover the secret of her deep commitment. So I let her visit me again. And tomorrow she'll return expecting an answer.
If I were to become a Christian, my life would have a pattern and a purpose, and my mother would be happy, and at this point. even my father would he pleased... But still I hesitate. The Quranic version seems nearer to reason... yet both are only words. I know not whether there is truth in either o. I Can't believe... I just can't believe in anything...
Now she has asked me to make a choice. And how can I answer in my ignorance? Why didn't I listen to the girls, and get rid of her before I reached this dreadful state? Not one of them would have bothered about such matters, and here I am, lying awake, racking my brain, and not coming to any conclusion.
How tired I am. How I wish I could sleep... And what shall I say to them tomorrow when I am thus bewildered? What shall I say, when I fear I could be mistaken? What shall I say to them...?»
--Say: I worship God.--
«Is that what you dreamed?»
«It's what I heard, Mary, but I didn't see a thing. I was confused and exhausted from thinking all night, and didn't sleep until dawn. I don't remember any dream, except a voice commanding me to say: «I worship God.» And it was as if it meant< to worship God whatever He may be >. So if Jesus should be God, as you say, I'll worship God. And if God be something else, I still shall worship God. Now, for the first time, I am confident that if I were to say that, I would not be mistaken».
«Forgive me. I've disturbed you».
«I'm grateful to you, Mary».